OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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