he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize