Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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