Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
