Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
