3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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