Who did Billy Mays play for?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I fill condoms, not promises.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize