id be glad to
ugly people sure do ruin things
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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