Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
