just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
