I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
