you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
