we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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