I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
