so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So many bounce houses so little time
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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