if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize