it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
