We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
