I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
