i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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