I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
