are you still at the devil's house?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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