I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
