My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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