it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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