Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
