the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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