did you get engaged???
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
