I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize