Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
