I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
