and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
