You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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