Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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