He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I want a musical about memes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
