I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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