Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
