That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
