Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
