Please, let me fuck your mom
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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