If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
