Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
