I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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