We're facebook friends in real life
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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