Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
