He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
