I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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