two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
