you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I understand Curling. That high.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
