i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
