i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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