the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
