We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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