Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
