tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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