Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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