Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
