I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
