i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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