I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
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