dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
