omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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