party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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