I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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