even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
