I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
