Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
