Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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