i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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