dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
