Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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