its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
