I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Pooping to opera.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
