you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
