you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
