i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
