alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
